Happiness is a Trial-and-Error Process

This playlist was diagnosed as being schizophrenic. Indeed, it is all over the place, but it’s not devoid of any meaning. I credit these 10 tracks (along with many more that didn’t make the cut) for helping me battle a soul-crushing case of anxiety and depression.

You may be thinking ‘How could songs called ‘A Violent Reaction’ and ‘Appetite to Kill’ serve as relief from your crippling mental health issues?’ People assume that those stricken with anxiety and depression frown incessantly and feel nothing but misery. The truth is that you experience a wide range of emotions, even sporadic, short-lived occurrences of ecstasy.

Taken late last year in the Blue Ridge Mountains when my mental health started to plummet. Yes, it’s very cringey.

Each track in this playlist represents one emotion that I felt during this 9-month-long episode. As is true for everyone, there are multiple interpretations to be had when it comes to a single song. With that being said, Medicated’s blistering tone does not imply feelings of anger or hatred. For example, the line “I need a thrill…A medicated world prescribes smiles” was my cue to seek psychiatric help and take charge of my own happiness. This song is rife with positivity despite the heavy sound and guttural vocals. It was my version of morning coffee that injected me with enough energy to get out of bed during my darkest days.

One bottle for each song. The one in the middle is my newest and fullest, surrounded by near-empties. Something was bound to work. Happiness is a trial-and-error process.

Listening to this playlist now compared to many months ago is immensely overwhelming (in a good way, of course). It’s the playlist that guided me from not wanting to exist to never wanting to leave this beautiful gift.

Evan’s Cheesy Soap Opera has officially run its course. Cheers, friends.

Honorable mentions:

  1. Bichasniguz by Onyx
  2. Fall From Grace by Times of Grace
  3. Pleasure and Pain by Gemini Syndrome
  4. Parallels by Lesser Key
  5. Smile by Taproot


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